CURRENT ISSUE 10/08/02 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Globetrotting with Push Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Daily Probe Movie Review by Alice Higgins Professor of Wymyn's Studies University of Toronto A note to my sisters: For the next four weeks, we will be featuring four of my potential interns. Since I cannot bear the thought of sitting in a room with these barely-pubescent "men" in order to interview them, I have ordered the four finalists to complete reviews for me. This will not only give me a window into their character (what little character a man can possess!) but it also will give me a nice sabbatical to prepare for the coming semester, when, for the first time, I will have to deal with having disgusting penis-bearers in my classes. Lilith help me. Feel free to send me whatever feedback you deem necessary, as this will assist me in not having to read these wretched compositions.   Red Dragon By Kevin Peters    AKA Gollum1984,    Communications Major    0 Stizzarzz    I'm telling you, this essay is gonna be a cakewalk. It's like God reached down from heaven and handed this assignment to me! Let me get this straight, to land this gig as an intern I have to write a movie review... on the Internet? This is sweet. See, cuz I've been doing this for years. A lot of the readers probably know me better as Gollum1984. I've been posting reviews in the Talkback sections of sitez like Ain't It Cool News, Rotten Tomatoes and Movie Poop Shoot for ages! I totally have a killer following. So this is gonna be ez, bro! Okay, here's my review: Red Dragon is both a remake of Michael Mann's Manhunter from 1986 (when I wuz, like, 2!) and a prequel to Silence Of The Lambs (which rawked) and Hannibal (which blew goat cock). It stars Ralph Fiennes, Edward Norton and Anthony Hopkins and is directed by Brett Ratner. Other than that, I'm just going to post the review I wrote for the Ain't It Cool News talkback, cuz it totally kicked ass. From: Gollum1984 Subject: This sux! Comment: THIS MOVIES GONNA TOTALLY SUCK ASS AND ALL YOU HOMOS KNOW IM RIGHT! EDWARD NORTON IS LAME AND DEATH TO SMOOCHY SUCKED RACCOON BALLZ! ANTHONY HOPKINS IS A FAGIT AND RALPH FIENNES CAN'T EVEN PRONOUNCE HIS OWN NAME PROPERLY CAUSE HES SUCH A TARD! LOL! YOU FUCKERZ ARE ALL SO LAME AND IF YOU GO SEE THIS STOOPID MOVIE IT MEANS YOU WANT BRETT RATNER TO TAKE YOU FROM BEHIND! RUSH HOUR SUCKED! LEGOLAS47 UP THERE DOESNT NO SHIT ABOUT MOVIES AND IM GONNA KICK HIS ASS IF HE TRASH-TALKS ME AGAIN! LOL BRING IT ON BEEYATCH! IN SHORT YOUR ALL LOOSERS AND HARRY YOUR REALLY FUCKIN FAT ROFLMAO! LOTR ROOLZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think my review speaks for itself. Tell Professor Higgins I can start Monday.
The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday or whenever we damn well feel like it. Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved No use allowed without prior permission.