McQuigly and Moss
It Can't Get Any Worse On A Horse
By Anna Moss
What a great year this has been for all of us sci-fi addicts. We got to see
the Genesis capsule tumble and crash land in the desert, filled with solar
dust as it's parachutes didn't deploy. We got to watch test pilot Mike Melvill
take his privately funded SpaceShipOne into outer space, highlighted by a
terrifying out of control spin until he got it righted and landed safely. There's
the release of the new 3 disc Star Wars DVD. The Return of the King
extended dvd ready to debut. There's also been great movies like Sky Captain and
the World of Tomorrow and Shaun of the Dead. The Jedicon sci-fi convention,
the soon to be released Farscape: The Peacekeepers Wars. And of course
getting to see the Governator himself give a speech at the Republican National
Convention, where I blogged for The Daily Probe.
Which brings me to this weeks topic. Can a drunken man riding a horse be
cited for drunken driving? No really. The Pennsylvania Supreme Court ruled that
Pennsylvania's drunken driving law cannot be enforced against someone drunk on
horseback. According to police, two men left a bar on horseback along with a
third man in a truck. The truck ran into the back of one of the horses. All 3
men failed sobriety tests. The court ruled that the charges be thrown out
after the 2 men on horseback argued that the word "vehicles" in the states drunk
driving law did not apply to horses. I support that decision. Would Pilot be
cited for flying Moya drunk? I think not. Would Luke get cited after pounding a
few and riding home on a tauntaun? Never. Would Sisko be pulled over driving a
Runabout after drinking some Klingon blood wine? Nay. And don't get me started
I have a fondness for horses that began when I had a pony at an early
birthday party. Mom has PICS so it must be true. I took to horses like James Spader
took to the Stargate. Even though that darn Kurt Russell wanted to destroy
it, but I digress. I'm thinking the worst thing that can happen to you riding a
horse while drunk is that you'll fall off, probably into a puddle of water or
mud, with Mel Brooks there to film it.
So be nice to horses, they are people too.
Drunken Horseback Riding Shouldn't Be Illegal
-- It Should Be a Sport
By Dirk McQuigly
When I first heard that a man in Pennsylvania got arrested for driving a
horse under the influence, I immediately laughed because I thought of what it
would be like if a stormtrooper was drunk while riding in the goutin in the bonus
footage added to Star Wars: Special Edition. When I heard the arrest was
overturned about three months later by a state Supreme Court, I laughed again
because the goutin image popped into my head but I also felt justice has been
A horse may be a way of getting from Point A to Point B, but it's certainly
not as dangerous as an alcoholic walking out of the bar and getting behind the
wheel of his car or a group of trigger happy stormtroopers wandering out of a
Cantina and getting on their speeders. The fact that a guy got arrested for it
means the police aren't doing their job locking up real criminals like
forgers, arsonists or the people behind SeaQuest DSC.
The law states anyone operating a vehicle under the influence of alcohol
makes it illegal, and a horse is not a vehicle. If that were the case, why don't
we lock up everyone who's drunk and going from place to place? If you're drunk
and walking, you go to jail. If you're drunk and jump on a pogo stick, get
ready to taste bars. If you're even standing on a Hover Board with a fifth of Jim
Beam in one hand and a map to your house in the other, you should be frozen
in a cryogenics prison.
I'm glad someone in this got off their high horse and used some common sense.
Heh, heh heh. Sorry, I was thinking about the drunken goutin again.
(Transcribed by Danny Gallagher and Jeff Rabinowitz)