CURRENT ISSUE 10/14/03 Front Page Weekly Features Ain't That America? Alaric Musing With Mitch Moth's Diary News from Travistan Info Previous Issues Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Musing With Mitch   by Mitchell Kobriger   Before I got that orthopedic lift, every time I tried to move quickly, I'd travel in a little circle. Thanks, modern medicine! I wonder why you never hear of a correspondence school with a good football team. If you think about it, combs and brushes pretty much do the same thing -- although I'm sure my barber would have a thing or two to say about that. "Godzilla" is the word that keeps coming into my mind. "Godzilla." See? There it is again! Don't give me that Austrian crap -- the guy's a Kraut. "Survivor," my ass. Those punks wouldn't last a week in Mitch's windowless basement studio apartment. Corn Pops should be included in the food pyramind's vegetable group -- or at least in the grains group. For my money, if you've got a beer gut, a hairy beer gut is the way to go. My remote control has too many buttons. There should only be three of them: the menu display button, the previous channel button and the number two. Idea! Someone should start a magazine that appeals to both car enthusiasts and butterfly collectors. Why hasn't Hollywood put out a movie about a guy, a gal and an elephant seal? Whatever happened to all that solar energy everybody used to talk about? Mitch's favorite way to end a sentence? With a period. Period. If there's a trick to getting scalp hair to grow in evenly over scar tissue, I'd sure like to know it. A Bowie knife is just plain overkill when it comes to clearing ear wax. Groping women, using drugs, group sex... I sure hope Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn't tarnish the Kennedy family's good name.
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