CURRENT ISSUE 10/14/03 Front Page Weekly Features Ain't That America? Alaric Musing With Mitch Moth's Diary News from Travistan Info Previous Issues Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!

I Hope You Employees Got Enough of That Touchy-Feely Crap in the '90s A guest Probeatorial by the Desk of CEO James Overstreet Because if you didn't get your fill of "Tolerance Training" and "Team- Building" a few years ago, there is zero chance you'll be seeing this company sponsor that bullshit in the 2000s. Perhaps you've noticed the cubicles to your left and right? They're empty. And our CFO has a small orgasm each time he helps one of you miss your next mortgage payment. So that means a little less money for things like "Project Kick-off Parties" or, for that matter, "Project Success Parties." You see: Project successes are supposed to be a normal part of what I call "work." Now we have "Project Failure Layoffs," and those seem to motivate just as well. I know it must be difficult to make the most of your careers without the weekly workshops on "How to Write a Mission Statement" or "How to Organize Your Life," but we all know your personal mission statement should be "Keep my job so I can eat." (Transcribed by Mark Schmidt)

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