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10/14/03

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	News From Travistan The Daily Probe Reports from the Sovereign Apartment Nation of Travistan

Travistani Dictator Locks Self Out of Country

TRAVAMABAD (DPI) - A Travistani government commission is looking into allegations of wasted time and resources surrounding an Oct. 11 incident in which Travis, Dictator and President-for-Life of the apartment-nation of Travistan, locked himself out of the country while on his way to the building's pool for a swim. According to the information ministry, the incident left President Travis stuck in the building lobby, shirtless, without his glasses, and holding the 8-month-old Princess Leah without a diaper on. "It was a simple mistake, really," said President Travis. "I was taking the princess down for a quick jump in the pool and forgot that I'd removed my house key from my key ring lanyard. Of course, I realized this just as the door clicked shut." According to Travistani officials, a frustrated and confused President Travis was seen wandering in the lobby, lacking even the security card to get back on the elevator, desperately trying to call his wife, Travistan's Minister of Domestic Affairs, who was at her ballet class. Unable to reach her, the shrewd Dictator remembered that he had his car keys and was able to gain access to the Presidential Corolla when he saw the gay guy who lives on the 17th floor and asked him to swipe his card to allow the Dictator and the swimsuit-clad princess onto the parking floor. He then drove the car, without his glasses, wallet, license and shirt, and with the Princess wrapped in a towel in case of a potentially carseat-ruining blowout, the approximately four miles to the Kimura Ballet School, where his wife's first reaction was for him to "put on a shirt."

The fact-finding commission looking into the incident has given a preliminary indication that the event might have been linked to a beer-soaked Oktoberfest celebration from the night before, which may have impaired the Dictator and President-for-Life's ability to remember to put his keys back on the ring in the hours following. Travis denied the claim, but has suggested that his sore neck over the weekend may be chicken dance-related.

(Reported by Travis Ruetenik)