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Bush Now Totally Into Nation-Building
WASHINGTON (DPI) - President Bush, who campaigned strongly against U.S.
involvement in foreign affairs, today announced that he is now
"totally, completely into nation-building." Speaking informally to
reporters, Bush confided, "I was wrong, plain and simple. Nation-building
absolutely kicks ass. It's like the SIMS, only 100 times better
because it's real." Bush outlined an ambitious plan to back up his new
passion. "First and foremost, I intend to dismantle Canada's national
health insurance system. In the late fall I'm going to give
Italy a major makeover. They've got a good religious thing going with
the Vatican there, but there's Jesus, and then there's Jesus, if you
know what I mean." Bush intends to send Attorney General John Ashcroft
there later this year with a personal letter recommending Secretary of
Defense Donald Rumsfeld as the next pope. "In the winter, I'd like to work
on Thailand," Bush said. "I understand the hookers over there are as
generous as Jed Clampett and cleaner than Felix Unger. We need some of that."
(Reported by Jim Rosenberg)
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The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday
or whenever we damn well feel like it.
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