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Scientists Discover Yet Another Pointless, Icky Bug
SAO PAULO, Brazil (DPI) - Scientists from the University of California
announced today the discovery of yet another pointless, icky bug in the
Amazon basin, bringing the number of known species of these disgusting
little multi-legged fuckers to 907,856. "This newly discovered beetle
probably rolls cow shit into balls, or sucks the juices from live but
paralyzed prey, or some other crazy-ass bug thing," reported Alvin H.
Hammacker, who led the team that made the discovery. Current estimates put
the total number of gross, superfluous
insect species worldwide at about 30 million, only a small percentage of
which have been studied. Scientists suspect that almost all are ghastly
reminders of the sick, twisted nature of a universe governed by cold,
heartless chance. Further study of the creepy little bastards is planned to
determine what particular puke- or willies-inducing behaviors they
display. Hammacker confirmed that this new species is "big, hairy,
scary-looking, and probably crawling up your pants leg. Right. Now. Hahaha!"
(Reported by Ishmael Alighieri)
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