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10/21/03

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Advice from Strangers



This Week's Guest:
Calvin & Hobbes



Dear Hobbes,

There's been a lot of news about tigers lately. I'm scared to death of tigers. I can't even look at them at the zoo. Why would someone in their right mind want to own a tiger?

Terrified in Toledo


Dear Misinformed,

HOBBES: I'm afraid you've got it all wrong about tigers. We're good-natured friendly, intelligent and quite good at the psychology of life. We like to lie in the park with the sun on our bellies. Tigers are nature's perfect creation.

CALVIN: Hey, who put oatmeal in my shoes?

Calvin and Hobbes



Dear Calvin and Hobbes,

My husband and I want to go out for a night on the town, but we've got a 6-year-old kid who's never left our side since he was born, which means we haven't gone out since he was born. There's this teenage girl who lives next door who said she'd be more than willing to babysit for us, but I'm just worried that maybe it isn't a good idea. Should I leave him with the babysitter?

A Miffed Mom in Missouri


Dear Miffed Mom,

CALVIN: AHHHHHH! Not a babysitter! They're the unholy amalgamation of pure and authentic evil in this world! They make you go to bed whenever they want even though it's not your bedtime and then make up stories to your parents about how you locked them out of the house and watched horror movies while eating an entire jar of Oreos.

HOBBES: But didn't we actually do all that stuff?

CALVIN: LIES! ALL LIES! NOTHING BUT LIES PERPETUATED BY THE SOULLESS ROSALYN!

Calvin and Hobbes



Dear Calvin and Hobbes,

There's this guy in my biology class that I really like, and I want to just go up and ask him how he feels about me, but I can't. I think it should be the man who approaches the woman for a date. Am I being too narrow-minded?

Lonely in Lubbock


Dear Lonely,

CALVIN: A girl? Ewww, I'd rather just stand on my hands with my head in a bucket of boogers.

HOBBES: I wonder what she looks like though. The babes dig tigers.

Calvin and Hobbes


(Reported by Danny Gallagher and Jeff Rabinowitz)





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