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Musing With Mitch  

by Mitchell Kobriger  

Mitchell Kobriger

Of all the jars, I'd say to ones containing pickles are the trickiest to open.

They need to make those peep holes in the construction fence bigger or add more of 'em because men don't take kindly to standing in line.

Take it from Mitch: Those new "lava lamps" are nothing but trouble.

I once made C4 in my kitchen sink. It was entirely by accident, mind you, and I haven't done it since.

This waitress down at my local diner calls caffeinated and decaf coffee "regular" and "unleaded." God, I love that!

What's a guy got to do to get some gas with some lead in it?

Night time. Summer. Rain slicked road. Speeding up Hwy. 169 outside Hibbing, Minnesota in my AMC Pacer while Manon, my pretty 19-year-old French Canadian girlfriend sleeps in the passenger seat. It was either 1976 or a dream -- I can't recall which.

Hell, I can make better popcorn than that Reddenbacher dork.

I wonder where that guy who made the lousy coffee on "Barney Miller" went? If he were here right now, I'd sure as hell buy him a Scotch.

Ol' Mitch ain't watching any more NFL games until they bring back some American-style kickers.

My spirit guide Oscar tells me there's no chance the Cubs will ever win the World Series. Don't blame me folks, I'm only the messenger.

This Halloween, I'm giving the kids a warm bowl of goulash.

The baseball cap design is a thing of true beauty, my friends. Just ask my barber.

An insider's tip for the Haunted House: The eyeballs are grapes and the worms are spaghetti.

If I had a 50-mile long cable for my TV, I guarantee I'd do a lot more camping.

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