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President Travis

News From Travistan

The Daily Probe Reports from the
Sovereign Apartment Nation of Travistan

Travistan Dictator Conducts Another
Press Conference from Toilet

TRAVAMABAD (DPI) - Polls indicate decreasing popularity of the President and Dictator-for-Life of the apartment-nation of Travistan after the leader held another press conference from behind the door of the hall bathroom. The conference, his third this week, was to discuss the result of the recent Monday Night Football game over the sports page. "The Raiders really looked like they were going to pull it out," said a barely audible President Travis, speaking over the whir of the fan to reporters gathered several steps down the hall, "but they were only, like, a yard short of scoring when time ran out." Less interesting than the topic of the announcement was the format of the delivery. According to the nation's Minister of Domestic Affairs, the current regime has made numerous unreasonable requests from behind the quarantined area of the "Presidential Roost," as it's called, including calling for items to be passed to him from outside the perimeter. "This constitutes a significant breach of the safety for all people of Travistan," said Mrs. Travis, straining to reach into the danger zone to hand the President a toenail clipper. According to the apartment-nation's budget, current reserves of scented candles are projected to run out within a matter of a few weeks.

(Reported by Travis Ruetenik)

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