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Fundamentalist Jedi Terrorists Destroy Death Star
MOS EISLEY (DPI) - A fringe group of radical Jedi fundamentalists continued
their campaign of terror Sunday, destroying the Death Star in a horrifying
fireball that has shocked the Empire. Hundreds of thousands are believed to
have perished in the destruction, which left mountain-sized fragments of the
giant space station floating as far as half a galaxy away. The attack is
the latest in a series of surgical strikes by the militant Light Side Jedi
rebel group which oppose the Empire's control of key Trade Federation
routes.
"It was horrible, just horrible," said Mrs. Barda Link, who saw the
explosion on television from her Bespin home. Link recently sent the second
of her two sons into the prestigious Stormtrooper Academy. She is unsure
whether her sons were stationed on the Death Star at the time of the blast.
"We'll just continue to hope and pray that the horrible monsters that
perpetrated this evil, cowardly deed will be brought to justice."
Authorities have identified one prime suspect, a robe-clad, Bantha-herding
idealist from an obscure desert planet. In the streets of Mos Espa,
pro-Light Side youth were seen cheering the attacks, shouting for the
liberation of Endor and release of known interplanetary smuggler and cop
killer Han Solo from the dragnet of Imperial law enforcement.
Lord Vader, who himself narrowly avoided the blast, called for citizens to
remain calm yet vigilant. "Now is a time for all of the peoples of this
great galaxy to put aside our differences as Gungans, Wookiees, Jawas,
Neimoidians and men, and unite behind our noble Emperor. We will win the
war against the Forces of Light."
(Reported by Travis Ruetenik)
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