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Saturday 20th October
We in the Illuminati are here in Switzerland debating how best to spend
the 900+ billions of dollars of WTC-inspired charitable giving. Of course,
none of it will ever end up with the families, except the regrettable
millions given to specific police and fire "widows and orphans" funds
which we do not at this time control. It's sad, when we think that we
could have sewn those trusts up five years ago. But we will soon, never fret.
Our front organizations, mainly The American Red Cross and The United Way,
will launder the money the way we learned from the US Government: by purchasing
new fleets of black SUVs with smoked windows, and thousands of corporate
lunches in Michelin 3-stars, and by hiring all our brothers-in-law, mistresses
and their ne'er-do-well spalpeens. Representatives of those fine organizations
will be coached to return again and again in conversation with angry Americans
to the ambiguous terms "counseling" or "services," then we'll sell the platelets
from all the free donated American blood to overseas clinics for outrageous sums,
and put shocking amounts of resources into diversity television advertising that
feature parades of known anti-US types snarling "I'm an American" into the camera
with menacing hate-whitey sneers. The rest of the dough, which will still be a
tidy sum, will be disbursed to Illuminati members.
I've already purchased a pied-a-terre in Paris and a fleet of salmon smacks
and a DeLorean Museum in Kentucky with my first "taste." I have plans to corner
the world's plastic wrap market with next month's. I'll always be thankful to
Jackson Browne for nominating me, and to Bonnie Raitt for seconding the nomination.
The breadline has become the penultimate bureaucracy. Honestly, you generous,
dumb Americans: what did you expect?
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