CURRENT ISSUE 10/26/04 Front Page Weekly Features Ain't That America? Ask Zarxnol McQuigly & Moss Moth's Diary Musing With Mitch Newsmakers Say the Darndest Things! Probe Interview Probe Poll Riding Shotgun With Adventure Still Life With Joan Info Previous Issues Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Riding Shotgun   With Adventure   by Ron Langston   Chapter 78: Make It Count, Son Just as the "o" in opossum has been unceremoniously excised, no doubt to save valuable time that could be spent putting a busted-up car up on blocks in the front yard, nobody in this swamp with an amusement park can seem to locate the "alli" in alligator. Locating the beast itself, however, proved much easier than I'd hoped. The gator, perhaps not so large as could swallow me whole without risking indigestion, eyed me from close range, as both he and I floated motionless, only snouts and eyes above water. I slowly eased up on the bank, moss-covered and dripping, without ever taking my eye off him. The gator shared two traits with this season's big game: like an undecided voter, he never budged. And whatever passed for thought in his cold reptilian brain defied rational understanding. Opportunity was passing them both by. I had work to do. The shadowy international "community," in whose penumbra I dwell and whose less pleasant jobs I sometimes do, had more than a betting interest in this election. They needed a clean kill: that bit with the Supreme Court and the recount had cost them more than even I could guess, and I'm a pretty good guesser. I eased up out of the swamp grass, shedding my wetsuit, revealing a pair of inconspicuous -- for this neighborhood -- Bermuda shorts and floral print shirt. I approached the open garage, flanked by American flags and staffed, as always in this sun-basted purgatory, by elderly New York retirees. "Sir, this isn't your polling place." Blue hair. Deck shoes. And an cold sparkle in the corner of her pale blue eyes I'd seen in mercenaries and feral dogs. But tonight, she was facing a different kind of registered voter. "Oh, yes, ma'am. It is." Next Week: Chapter 79 -- Punching Out Chad, Skippy and Chip (Reported by Ishmael Alighieri)
The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday or whenever we damn well feel like it. Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved No use allowed without prior permission.