White House Releases the Good News From Iraq
BAGHDAD, Iraq (DPI) - In accordance with new media requirements initiated by
President Bush, The Daily Probe is proud to present the Good News from Iraq:
Post-War: A total of 99,605 U.S. troops were not killed today in countless cowardly
ambushes that never took place, and 97,582 personnel remain uninjured. No
unattempted car bombings were successful in their attempts to level the
city's several remaining structures.
Politics: Iraqi citizens today began enjoying their 30th consecutive week
free of an oppressive military-style government.
Environment: Millions of barrels of crude oil have not been spilled into the
Tigris or Euphrates rivers. The Persian Gulf likewise remains free of Iraqi
Culture: The Museum of Antiquities in Baghdad has an unprecedented 99-percent floor-space availability, making it the prime choice of archaeologists to
display artifacts from any newly discovered ancient civilizations.
Economy: U.S. unemployment rates in Iraq remain near 0 percent despite the flagging
economy at home, while the outlook remains especially high for positions in
the Searching for Saddam and Weapons of Mass Destruction sectors.
(Reported by Charles Gulledge)