CURRENT ISSUE 10/28/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice From Strangers Ain't That America? Musing With Mitch Moth's Diary News From Travistan Info Previous Issues Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Musing With Mitch   by Mitchell Kobriger   I'm looking forward to trick-or-treaters stopping by this year. I'm dressing up as a grumpy middle-aged guy with a loaded paintball gun. Scientists keep saying it was an asteroid that killed the dinosaurs, but I don't buy that. I'm thinking it was a bunch of hairy guys with spears. For my money, there's nothing more comfortable in this world than sitting in the handicapped seat on a public bus. Can someone tell me why the FBI is not investigating John Ritter's death? Idea! Diet Wild Turkey bourbon! Has there been a better development in corn technology since they candied it? Mitch's favorite nickname? Stinky. You won't see Mitch bobbin' for apples this Halloween. No sirree, not unless there's a blintz down there. Hilda's Place on Route 43 just outside of Greensville: best beef brisket sandwich -- ever! Of all the winds out there, my barber's favorite is a nor'easter. I just got trigger locks for all my spray bottles at home. They say no one has ever died after accidentally getting a face full of Windex, but Mitch sure as hell won't be the first. Our cat likes to curl up inside an old cooler in the garage. You'd think he'd stay away after that other cat suffocated in there last year. If days were colors, I think Wednesday would be green. This computer keyboard would be a lot easier to use if someone would have thought to put it in alphabetical order. The worst thing about odd-numbered years: no Goodwill Games. For what it's worth, Miss Minnelli, I would have spent a lot less time drinkin' and a whole lot more time slappin'. Next week, I'm off to Branson, Missouri. It's on my to-do list, but for the life of me, I can't remember why. Oh well. Never question The List.
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