CURRENT ISSUE 10/28/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice From Strangers Ain't That America? Musing With Mitch Moth's Diary News From Travistan Info Previous Issues Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Saturday 25th October An anonymous friend has sent a clipping from the newspaper, and it certainly gives one pause. A toothpaste company tested the breath of Britons and found their exhalations could, in many cases, knock an experienced gull from his perch at the back of a feces barge in a heat wave. Three out of five women who were tested failed sulfur emissions tests and the never-to-be-laid again dentist quoted, one Brian Grieveson, remarked, quite uncharitably: "Some mouths may be dirtier than cat litter." Oh, dear. When I was performing an organic adenoidectomy on Kylie Minogue in London last month in a rear snuggery at The Bunch Of Grapes, I only caught a faint undertaste of hepatitis, Uday Hussein's still-hampered black socks, blended with a tangy noseful of burning tires, but instead of kicking up a fuss and urging her to begin brushing her tongue as the article suggests, I let myself go with the moment, like any self-respecting shag-nasty. I recommend all right-thinking males do the same.
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