CURRENT ISSUE 10/28/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice From Strangers Ain't That America? Musing With Mitch Moth's Diary News From Travistan Info Previous Issues Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!

God DAMN, Your Daughter's Hot! A guest Probeatorial by Your Creepy Next-Door Neighbor Okay, so you've probably seen me staring a time or two when your teenage daughter's out in the front yard talking to her friends. Well, I've got a rock-solid (heh heh) excuse for that: She's fucking hot, man! Come on, dude, even though she grew from your seed, you're bound to have noticed. Those perfectly shaped breasts, that flat little belly, those long slender legs... I don't care if I am 53. A sight like that still gets a rise in the ol' Levi's, if you know what I mean. She didn't look quite this mature last year, did she? I know she didn't quite catch my eye until now. Seeing as how I work from home and all, I decided to purchase a pair of binoculars. Just in the nick of time, too, because that's when she started sunbathing in the back yard. It drives me absolutely fucking nuts when she lies on her stomach and undoes her top. In fact, I've got a digital picture I took of that very moment, blown-up poster size in my bedroom. And when she invites her friends over to get some sun with her? Sweet Jesus in heaven -- I don't get much work done those days. Sad as it makes me to know she'll be going off to college after next summer, it's not the end of the world: Her younger sister's looking like she's ready to bloom herself. Whatever you do, don't move, man. (Transcribed by Inort Pinortny)

The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday or whenever we damn well feel like it. Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved No use allowed without prior permission.