CURRENT ISSUE 10/29/02 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? To-Do List: Jerry Falwell Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Globetrotting with Push Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Bush Reduces Budget Deficit by Cutting 4 States WASHINGTON (DPI) - In a bid to help fight spiraling national debt, President Bush today announced plans to "rightsize" the United States from its current 50 states down to 46. The downsized states will be Montana, Minnesota, and according to Bush, "one of the Dakotas, the one without Mount Rushmore." The states were chosen because they had poor federal income tax generation, few electoral votes, or "nobody would really miss them." Notwithstanding Florida's substantial tax revenue and his brother's position as its governor, Bush axed it anyway, saying, "their national disaster relief and Medicare costs are staggering ... and let's face it, it's essentially a colony of Cuba anyway." Not only does the president anticipate substantial savings from reduced federal aid and Social Security payouts to the dumped states, but he expects to receive revenue from the sale of the ousted states to other nations. Canada has already put in a bid for Delaware, refering to the state as a "tropical paradise that doesn't require any snow removal." Numerous federal agencies are busying themselves with the herculean challenge of creating a new flag that somehow displays all 46 stars in a symmetrical pattern. Meanwhile, the president expressed optimism that the country would someday return to its previous roster of 50 states, saying, "Don't be surprised if someday soon you were to travel to Kuwait, Belize or Hawaii and you were still in the U.S. of A." (Reported by Miles Walker)
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