CURRENT ISSUE 10/29/02 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? To-Do List: Jerry Falwell Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Globetrotting with Push Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Still Too Early to Want to Do Britney Spears' Kid Sister MODESTO, Calif. (DPI) - Finally accepting that Britney Spears will never have sex with him, Gary Burdin, 24, creeped out his friends by admitting that he would "do" Jamie Lynn Spears if given the chance. "He's always blowing smoke about celebrities he thinks need some 'Gary-love,' but Britney's sister isn't even a teenager yet," said longtime Burdin friend Mark Ayers. "It's okay if he thinks it, but for Pete's sake, don't say it out loud!" Although Britney's kid sister will certainly blossom into a young lady who will inspire fake nude Internet photographs and prompt men everywhere to think she needs a high hard one, the fact remains that at 11, it will still be a few years before it becomes acceptable in guy society to discuss nailing her. There is no formal code among men regarding an appropriate age to verbalize one's lust, but 16 seemed to be the consensus. "What's Gary doing? Jerkin' off to Nickelodeon now?" asked Rob Miller, another friend. "The dude's own sister is older than that and none of us have talked about getting in her pants yet." Trying to redeem himself, Burdin responded, "I meant when she's older. I think if I could get to know her before all the media attention goes nuts, I'll be the next Justin Timberlake with everyone begging to know how good it is." Burdin's friends finally dropped the uncomfortable conversation and moved on to sports-related topics, except for Miller's comment to Burdin that Madonna's baby girl is still available. (Reported by Buddy Fisher)
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