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11/3/04




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The next issue of the Daily Probe will be published on November 23.


November 3, 2004



Pissed-Off Supreme Court Denied
Right to Choose President This Time







Newsmaker Quotes from Wednesday, November 3


"It came down to Ohio. The fate of the entire nation was held in the hands of a state where people let the rivers catch on fire."

- Senator JOHN EDWARDS commenting on the election to an aide


"'Vote or Die,' apparently is not as strong a message as 'Bong and Fry.'"

- P. DIDDY (Sean Combs) on why young voters didn't turn out in the numbers expected


"I've got an audience to shore back up. I'm going to do concert dates in the Midwest and South on a 'Heh, Heh, My Bad' tour."

- BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN on his post-election plans


"132 rooms, 35 baths? Ehn. I was never crazy about living in that tiny little [White House] anyway."

- THERESA HEINZ-KERRY looking at the bright side of her husband's loss


"Fuck."

- Senator JOHN KERRY's one word concession speech


(Compiled by Davejames)


President Celebrates Victory With Well-Earned Smirkfest

Undecideds Unsure How They Feel About Election Results

Delighted Evangelicals Demand Cabinet Post for Baby Jesus

MoveOn.org Refuses To

Chicago Sets Record With 120% of Registered Voters Turning Out

Heinz-Kerry Household Servants Votes Constituted Losing Margin

Alien Larva Completes Gestation, Bursts Through Rove's Chest

Jon Stewart Calls bin Laden a "Turban-Headed Dick" on Al-Jazeera

Obligation Fulfilled, Zell Miller Asks Rove to Burn Photos

Ketchup Heiress Returns, Bellowing, to Primeval Swamp











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