|
Read the Quran! You may be called upon to fight The Evildoers from within.
You should learn the Holy Quran backwards and forwards. If you are a man,
it wouldn't hurt to grow a beard. If you are a woman, it wouldn't hurt to
be a little less mouthy.
|
|
| | |
|
Beware Long Distance Dedications! Casey Kasem is Arab. Hello, McFly,
do you hear me? A-R-A-B. Who knows what sort of mind-poison is lurking
in his so-called "long-distance dedications." If you indadvertently
hear one, smash your radio to bits and wash out your ears with warm water.
|
|
| | |
|
Bill Maher Must Die. Bill Maher made an inappropriate joke. Bill Maher
has not yet paid the price. Bill Maher must die. I don't want to know how.
I just want to know when the job is done. Do we understand each other?
|
|
| | |
|
Bacterial Dress Fridays. Have a little fun and increase your protection
against biological attack at the same time! Buy a whimsical and highly
spore-resistant HAZMAT suit and wear on Bacterial Dress Fridays.
|
|
| | |
|
F*** It. Who cares, man? I mean, who f***ing cares? Catch yourself a
buzz and sleep where your head hits the ground. Catch that great Downey-feeling.
|
|
| | |
|
WWRD? Some of us are more prudent than others. None of us , however,
is as prudent as Secretary of Defense Don Rumsfeld. By wearing a WWRD?
bracelet, available at no charge in every public library, you will remind
yourself to mindlessly accept what you hear and not worry your pretty little
head about the details.
|
|
| | |
|
Bathe... All... Day. You are never fully clean until you're biologically clean.
Spend every waking moment scrubbing yourself down, and I said "scrubbing," not "rubbing," Mister!
|
|
| | |
|
Get some perspective. You may have lost everyone and everything that
matters to you. You may be on death's doorstep, but stop and consider this:
At least you are not as bad off as Mariah Carey. Mariah is hurting, man.
The girl is hurting.
|
|
| | |
|
Copulate with vigor. Uncle Sam wants you... to do it!
Unless and until you perform each and every sex act outlined on the Internet,
then the terrorists will have won.
|
