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Probe Movie Reviews
by J.J. Krueger
J.J.'s Mail Bag
What's up? I've had like literally several emails since I started my
movie reviews for the Probe, so I totally wanted to devote this week's
space to like answering a few of them...
From: Amanda J., Arlington TX
JJ, YOU SUCK!!!!!!
Dear Amanda,
NO, YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!!!
From: Derek L., St. Louis MO
Gosh you're just so incredibly smart. I can't imagine how you
possibly do it. Certainly someone as obviously bright and piercingly
witty as yourself doesn't need to actually *see* a movie to compose a
thoughtful and pithy review on it. Ugh. Your column is the literary
equivalent of bran.
Dear Derek,
Hey, I never considered myself a genius or anything but totally
thanks for the compliments man! I'm totally enjoying my new gig as a
well-respected movie reviewer! Not quite sure what you meant by the bran
thing, but I'm totally a breakfast person so it's all good. Keep reading man!
From: Rachel S., Tacoma WA
JJ, YOU FUCKING SUCK!!!!!!!!!
Dear Rachel,
NO, YOU FUCKING SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From: Peter M., Detroit MI
What does "J.J." stand for? "Jackoff Jerk"?
Dear Peter,
No man, you're not even close. J.J.'s like my nickname. Me and my
best friend Dobie were in like 11th grade, right, and I was totally
sick of people calling me "Jamie" (my real name is James) and he was
totally sick of people calling him "Brian" (his real name is Brian)
so we made up nicknames for ourselves. He wanted "Dobie" cause it
sounds like "Doobie" and I picked "J.J." from that Sublime song
"Smoke Two Joints." You know that one? "I smoke two joints before I
smoke two joints, and then I smoke two more." That's me totally. Most
people still call me "Jamie" though, which fucking pisses me off, and my
mom thinks "J.J." sounds "vulgar." So no man - your guess wasn't even close.
Keep reading man!
From: Elaine D., Boulder CO
JJ -- Don't quit your day job.
Dear Elaine,
Thanks for the advice, but I totally love it at Big Burger. I should be
like promoted to assistant manager like any day now. Why would I quit?
Keep reading though!
From: amyanytime340444@tease.directmarketing.xnet.ru
I'M WAITING FOR YOU NAKED RIGHT NOW, JJ KRUEGER!!! CLICK BELOW AND
EXPERIENCE THE INNER ME!!! JUST ONE CLICK AWAY ;)
Dear Amy,
Whoa! I didn't think my new gig as a well-respected movie reviewer
would like get me groupies, but I gotta say based on your pics that
I'm like pretty fucking flattered! I had to like enter my Mom's Visa
number on that first page though, so totally don't give that out to
anybody, ok? You totally have to visit me sometime! Keep reading, Amy!
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