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Probe DVD Review by Two Trekkers


Ensign Cathy Apollo and Captain Max sutai-G'bcyn
reporting from Trek-Con 2001, Ft. Lauderdale, Florida


  Star Wars, Episode 1: The Phantom Menace


CATHY: Greetings from Starfleet, weary traveller.

MAX: Yes! Qavan!

CATHY: We were supposed to review a science fiction DVD for you, but due to a horrendous error, we were sent Star Wars, Episode 1. Maybe it's some sick joke against the Federation.

MAX: Dor-sho-gha! An insult! I tell you, my warrior's blood boiled at the mere sight of it!

CATHY: I mean really. George Lucas wants so badly to be Lord Roddenberry, but he totally isn't.

MAX: A pile of rotting forshak!

CATHY: I don't see five highly rated television series based on Star Wars, do you? Lucas is a money-grubbing leech.

MAX: We should make this quick... the simulated Holodeck exhibit is opening soon. Tours are only $20 this year.

CATHY: Right, and I want to get a Quark-burger at the 10-Forward Stand.

MAX: We were going to review the DVD at my house...

CATHY: Your mom's house.

MAX: Shut up. But, when we got there, we couldn't use the DVD player because my loser k'pekt brother was watching his Life Is Beautiful Special Edition. Italian cinema... what a geek!

CATHY: Right. And we couldn't watch it at my place because my TV privileges are still revoked over an unfortunate mistake with a matter transporter and my Dad's car.

MAX: Dude, face it... nobody beamed that tree in your way. You were just drunk. Too much Romulan ale, my humanoid friend.

CATHY: Yeah, well I told him I've had it. As soon as I turn 32 next year, I'm so out of there.

MAX: So, we didn't see the DVD, but I'm sure it was a piece of mu'qaD!

CATHY: I concur. It's only for lonely geeks that like to play with action figures. We wouldn't stoop to that level. Our science fiction standards are way too high for that.

MAX: Hey, let's go tease some of those pahtk Babylon 5 fans in the mezzanine.

CATHY: Ok, but first I want to get the autograph of that guy who was Jeri Ryan's costume assistant.

MAX: Agreed! Luckier hands there have never been! Maj ram, Probe readers.

CATHY: Yes. Live long and prosper, friends.






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