CURRENT ISSUE 11/5/02 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ape That America? To-Do List: Rally Monkey Monk's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Daily Probe Movie Review by Alice "Sprinkles" Higgins Professor of Primate Wymyn's Studies University of Toronto Zoology Department   jackass: the movie Rating: 5 stars (out of 5) The great American thinker, performer, writer and wit Ellen Degeneres once put forth the theory that any time someone converted a womyn to the Sisterhood of Sappho, she received a free toaster oven. Although this is nothing more than a joke, were it true the producers of jackass: the movie would have a warehouse full of toasters. Not since Jason X has there been such a cinematic indictment of the sheer idocy, violence, and moral inferiority of men, only this time it takes the form of this bizarre documentary. Much like a National Geographic special, we see the male of the species in their natural form, where they ignite fireworks from their anuses, eat urine-soaked snow, get shot with riot-guns, defecate in public and punch each other in the testicles a lot. It would be fascinating if it weren't so revolting. Someone in Ball-ywood must have been asleep at the wheel to let such a brutally honest depiction of male activity become readily available to womyn, but sisters, I can guarantee you that jackass: the movie is going to become required viewing in my classes. This is exactly what I have been trying to tell people about men for years! For those who have already shunned the vulgar penis-polisher of the species, it will serve as a warm affirmation that the path they have chosen for themselves is Lilith's will. For those wymyn in my classes who still choose to subject themselves to the groping of men, I can promise you one thing: after seeing jackass: the movie, not a single one of them will ever allow themselves to be sullied by the rancid DNA cannon that males posess ever again! How could you? As always, sisters, you have been warned! And you can deliver the toasters to me care of the university.
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