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11/19/02 Front Page Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? To-Do List: Eminem Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Frank Haskins Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! |
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Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty! 
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| FRANK HASKINS |
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Never Underestimate the World's Ability to Fuck You Over by Frank Haskins But I didn't have to wait until I got to work this morning to get the high hard one up the ass. No sir, started first thing this morning before I got out of bed, when my foot found a pile of cat shit in my right slipper. Apparently, the furry little fucker was sending a message that he'd like his cat litter changed. Pulling my newspaper from a water puddle in the driveway didn't exactly give me a warm fuzzy either. Neither did the dead battery in my goddamn car when I tried to go to work. Yessir, by 8:30 a.m., the gods were already pounding my ass like I was a bathhouse towelboy. Little did I realize that all these experiences were merely hors d'oeuvres in today's "All-You-Can-Fuck Frank Haskins Buffet." Everybody gets fucked when they get a prostate exam. But when you're Frank Haskins, you automatically get the super-sized reaming, no extra charge. Bad enough I'm gonna get the doc's digit up my dirt road. But then he's gotta ask me if it's okay if an intern observes the procedure. So I figure, what the fuck, it can't get any worse than this. Next thing I hear are the words, "Hi Uncle Frank." So now, not only is my brother-in-law's med school daughter looking down my bunghole like a tourist peering into Old Faithful, but I'm sure that she'll report back to my soon-to-be-ex-wife's entire fucking family how I've got 'roids the size of Angelina Jolie's lips. In the classic conflict of Frank Haskins vs. the cruel, twisted world, heed this advice: put your money on the world. (Reported by Miles Walker)
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or whenever we damn well feel like it. Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved No use allowed without prior permission. |
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