CURRENT ISSUE 11/19/02 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? To-Do List: Eminem Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Frank Haskins Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Daily Probe Movie Review by Alice Higgins Professor of Wymyn's Studies University of Toronto   Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Rating: 0 stars (out of 5) I'm sorry, sisters. It's one thing when the penis polishers who control Ball-ywood direct their cock-worship at adults, but when it is directed at innocent young grrls, then something needs to be done! Yes, I said grrls, because let's face it ... if you're born with a tallywhacker, it's pretty much over for you. And good riddance, I might add. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets is, quite honestly, the greatest affront to wymyn this year full of nothing but pre-pubescent cock worship. The entire film is loaded with people, mostly men, waving their cocks around as if they had magical powers (and we all know that the only power a penis has is to lower the IQ of the bearer by 50 points). And the few wymyn in the film? They wave penises too! Of course, being Ball-ywood, they don't admit that these are penises. Instead, they dress them up as "Magic Wands" and hope that the rest of us are too naive to see through their pathetic ruse! Not only is it transparent, but now they are trying to pretend that the penis has some sort of magical quality other than defiling wymyn and occasionally spitting nut-butter into your face! This is most insulting with the character of Hermione Granger, played by the disturbingly fetching Emma Watson. This young womyn is barely old enough to reject the wearing of a brassiere, yet they have her waving her wand-cock around handling it "expertly" like Jenna Jameson or Kelly Ripa! Have you no shame?? Pure filth! Sisters, the only reason this film exists is to promote the worship of the male member, and I find myself in the uncomfortable position of agreeing with the Religious Right on this issue. The more Harry Potter books they burn, the better as far as I'm concerned. Once again, my sisters, you have been warned!
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