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Savvy Teenager Sells Friend's Mom on Dell, Penis
FRESNO, CA (DPI) - In a crafty appearance at an appliance warehouse store yesterday, a
strapping, tech-savvy teenager successfully convinced a friend's mother to
indulge in both a complete Dell system and his hot throbbing penis. The
teenager, identified only as "Steven," used clever sales tactics including
describing the Dell system's Pentium 4 processor as "SO nice," and lunging
his manly, pert little pectorals in the mom's direction.
According to witnesses who saw the sultry scene over the store's multiple
background TV monitors, Steven looked deeply into the mom's eyes, driving
into her with the knowledge that Dell has won more service awards than
anybody over the last five years. Experts believe he was obviously
referring to the "service" provided by his own testicles, now
reaching their
fifth year of churning sexually-mature hormonal man-stuff through his buff,
raging 17-year-old body. The woman apparently looked at him slyly, saying
"Thanks, Steven!" as if to say "I want you back at my home, NOW,
bucking me
like the naughty little doggie you are." According to a store manager who
witnessed the discourse, "It was like she was practically tearing her shirt
open to let the young calf Steven suckle right there in the store, with her
little deaf-mute son William acting the erotic freak-show midget to this
forbidden, dirty, perverted, devious seduction."
Relationship expert Donald Sunder agreed: "The smoldering sexual tension
between the sycophantic, Jeff Spicoli-looking Steven and a fertile older
woman is evocative of the classic romances. William's sullen silence only
shows the depth of his Oedipal complex. He needs the Dell to Photoshop his
own speechless, pubic-headed mug into old wedding photos, while Steven drops
by for what the lovers have come to refer as 'tech support.'" His svelt
form evocative of a post-MTV, commercially-driven Eddie Haskell with barbed
penis, Steven was last seen lounging on a couch in a post-coital haze,
unavailable for comment.
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