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Savvy Teenager Sells Friend's Mom on Dell, Penis

FRESNO, CA (DPI) - In a crafty appearance at an appliance warehouse store yesterday, a strapping, tech-savvy teenager successfully convinced a friend's mother to indulge in both a complete Dell system and his hot throbbing penis. The teenager, identified only as "Steven," used clever sales tactics including describing the Dell system's Pentium 4 processor as "SO nice," and lunging his manly, pert little pectorals in the mom's direction.

According to witnesses who saw the sultry scene over the store's multiple background TV monitors, Steven looked deeply into the mom's eyes, driving into her with the knowledge that Dell has won more service awards than anybody over the last five years. Experts believe he was obviously referring to the "service" provided by his own testicles, now reaching their fifth year of churning sexually-mature hormonal man-stuff through his buff, raging 17-year-old body. The woman apparently looked at him slyly, saying "Thanks, Steven!" as if to say "I want you back at my home, NOW, bucking me like the naughty little doggie you are." According to a store manager who witnessed the discourse, "It was like she was practically tearing her shirt open to let the young calf Steven suckle right there in the store, with her little deaf-mute son William acting the erotic freak-show midget to this forbidden, dirty, perverted, devious seduction."

Relationship expert Donald Sunder agreed: "The smoldering sexual tension between the sycophantic, Jeff Spicoli-looking Steven and a fertile older woman is evocative of the classic romances. William's sullen silence only shows the depth of his Oedipal complex. He needs the Dell to Photoshop his own speechless, pubic-headed mug into old wedding photos, while Steven drops by for what the lovers have come to refer as 'tech support.'" His svelt form evocative of a post-MTV, commercially-driven Eddie Haskell with barbed penis, Steven was last seen lounging on a couch in a post-coital haze, unavailable for comment.

(Reported by Travis Ruetenik, Davejames)

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