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Probe Movie Reviews
by J.J. Krueger
Domestic Disturbance
What's up? Today's movie review is Domestic Disturbance, the new
movie starring John Travolta and Vince Vaughn and directed by Harold
Becker, the director of Sea of Love and Vision Quest. I never
saw that Sea movie but me and my best friend Dobie snuck into
Vision Quest when we were like in grade school. It was totally
boring but without like going into too much like specific detail,
let's just say that Linda Fiorentino had like a totally big influence
on my puberty, if you get what I'm saying. Matthew Modine fucking
rules too -- did you see Full Metal Jacket? That movie
totally rocked. Any war shit or Kung Fu and I'm like lighting a big
fatty and totally getting planted in the recliner with a couple cold
Leinenkugels. That's like the total beauty of film -- it totally
compliments a good, hard buzz.
Anyhow, Domestic Disturbance stars John Travolta as like this
divorced dude with a kid, and then Vince Vaughn becomes the kid's
like total evil stepfather I guess and Travolta has to like fuck with
him. What the hell is up with these new shitty flicks anyhow? I
should fucking write these movies -- at least mine would have plenty
of skin and lots of weed. I guess I shouldn't give those dudes too
much shit though in case I like totally meet them or write like a
killer script or something. I'm sure being a well-respected movie
reviewer is like totally bound to like open some doors for JJ. Plus
it's totally dead at this time of year too -- I can't think of like
one new big movie that's being released like right now. Me, I'm
totally waiting for Episode II next spring -- I'm totally going to
drive to the Mall of America, get super baked and see it like twice
the first day. That is, I'll go see it if Karen, the total bitch I
work for at Big Burger, will like let me have the time off to like go
down there. God, what a bitch. Call in sick three days in
one week and she's like demanding a note from my fucking doctor. I
had shit to do man. I totally can't wait until Dean promotes me to
assistant manager and she'll like have to get off my fucking back.
Domestic Disturbance looks like it's got plenty of violence and
maybe some drugs, so I can highly recommend the flick. Hopefully
they'll have it in a few weeks at the Cine5. I give it 7 Js out of
a possible 7 Js. So till next time, see you kids at the flix.
Confidential to Bob M., Saginaw MI: No, YOU'RE A DUMBASS, DUMBASS!!!!!!!!!
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