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Zaphod Treats a Few Friends
to Thanksgiving Dinner
by Douglas Adams
Zaphod hurried out to the street and motioned for his hoverbeam to be
brought around. Earlier he had flipped the valet (a tall, oaken, wavy
piece of gelatin) the torn half of a 300-credit bill, promising the
other half on delivery of his vehicle in pristine condition. But now he
needed that half to pay the bill inside the restaurant, as the meal had
gotten a little out of hand when some friends showed up.
When the hoverbeam appeared at the curb, Zaphod walked around it, left
head tilted, squinting and looking displeased. "I said not a scratch,
and you get the other half" he said, crossing his arms and continuing to
stalk his own car. "See there? See that?" he said pointing no where in
particular.
"Sir, I really don't see how that's possible," said the valet.
"Look starchy, I said NOT a SCRATCH. I have to be seen in this thing,
you know. Look here... and here!" he said, waving wildly.
"Sir, how can you be seeing a scratch on a hoverbeam? It's a beam of
light. I can't even see where you're pointing."
"Well, that's the thing, isn't it?" said Zaphod. "The scratches aren't
just on the surface, they get in deep. Deep into the...into the photons.
And then there's NO getting them out! Look, man, the scratch is RIGHT
THERE. What's your visual spectrum anyway?!"
Zaphod took the opportunity of proximity to reach into the gelatin and
pull out the other half of his credit, with was suspended inside, and
hurried back into the restaurant to pay for dinner.
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(Thanks to LeMel Hebert-Williams)
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