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11/23/04 Front Page Features Ain't That America? Ask Zarxnol McQuigly & Moss Moth's Diary Musing With Mitch Newsmakers Say the Darndest Things! Probe Poll Still Life With Joan Previous Issues Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! |
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Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty! 
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McQuigly and Moss
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Open The Door, I Feel a Draft By Anna Moss What wonders the galaxy holds: colors never before seen; planets that are hundreds of light-years away, never charted; wormholes that will cross the very fabric of time. Not that you'll see any of it. That's right. They're coming. I just got back from the 2004 New York City UFO Society Conference. According to Bill Hanson, principal speaker and world renown UFO expert )and leader of his own secret militia), we all need to be prepared. We need to accept that to continue in the lifestyle in which we have become accustomed -- to preserve our very freedom -- we need to defend ourselves if necessary. Sure it would be nice if the first alien race that speeds by Saturn on its way here were as docile as a Vulcan First Contact Team, but what if it's not? What if they are more like Scarons in their huge Dreadnots, intent on conquest? Since we haven't yet perfected an army of military robots, we need to have the humanpower to repel any attack if needed. Our own military seems already to be spread too thin. People are being called up to serve who haven't been active in the military for years. What are our choices? Some countries have mandatory military service. I'd rather see a return to the draft. There just aren't enough volunteers to repel the first Death Star we see. Not everyone would be drafted to fight. There would be scientists, chemists, even geneticists. And not just America -- we need to build a global united force. Just in case it's not Star Fleet that discovers us first. And there is that other reason to build a stronger army: terrorism. Right here on Earth. If the wrong weapon winds up in the wrong hands, Earth could have more of a scorched sky than in Neo's world. And it's not like we can just go find Planet Druidia and borrow their atmosphere. Maybe that convention did get me a little bit worked up. I'm going to go reread my first-edition, limited collectors series of Whiz Comics. The very first Captain Marvel. And maybe go easy on the Red Bulls for a while. By Dirk McQuigly Now that Bush is president (which has got me more excited than the time Farscape was renewed for another season because of rabid fan support that I created), these wars are certain to continue. But saying we need a draft to keep our military enrollment high is like saying Doctor Who needs a bigger phone booth for traveling through time, even if its interior is still the same size. Granted, the wars haven't been going as smoothly as we planned but they can't be as bad as the media makes them out to be. Every time I turn on the news in between season box sets of Star Trek: TNG, I'm being told that we're losing the war in Iraq and Afghanistan even though the casualty count is lower than most of the major conflicts in U.S. history. Of course, any loss of life is regrettable. Every time I watch the climatic battle in Attack of the Clones, I always get a little teary-eyed when the stormtroopers are killed in mass numbers, simply because they were created solely to be mindless soldiers in a war they had nothing to do with in the first place. But there won't be a draft as long as Bush as in office. He may be an extremely pro-military leader, but he's not going to risk the safety of the American people just so he can finish a war he started simply for demonstrating the awesome power of his nation. Besides, we've got Saddam and we're close to get Osama, so things will turn around fairly quickly. It'll be like watching Star Trek: Generations -- nearly a third of the way through, you know how it's going to end. |
(Transcribed by Danny Gallagher and Jeff Rabinowitz)
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