CURRENT ISSUE 11/25/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice From Strangers Ain't That America? Frank Haskins Globetrotting With Push Musing with Mitch Moth's Diary Info Previous Issues Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Musing With Mitch   by Mitchell Kobriger   If Michael Jackson wants to molest kids, why doesn't he just be a mall Santa like all the other perverts? Also, if I were a creepy little pedophile, I sure as hell wouldn't be making a play for that doofus, Macaulay Culkin. If Michael ends up going to prison, I'd be happy to look after his llamas. Sure, I know it sounds weird. Most folks would want that monkey. I met Michael once ... or was it LaToya? Hell, Mitch was mighty drunk that night. For all I know it could have been Tito. If TV coverage of Jackson's trial in any way, shape or form disrupts an airing of The Gilmore Girls, someone is getting a *very* strongly worded letter. Is it just me, or is Jackson looking more and more like Sandy Duncan each day? In all the hullabaloo, I think we're losing sight of what a great talent Jermaine Jackson really is. Moving on... I know they're just for decoration, but gourds are good eating! That's a tip I got from my barber. God invented rhinestone socks so that a man can finally feel pretty. It's about time they show up in stores, right? Idea! Someone should invent a pop-up girly magazine. Refresh my memory. Is the regular Coke we drink now the Classic or that New Coke crap? Liz Taylor will always be my Cleopatra, no matter who stars in the remake. I'd visit my doctor more often if he weren't so damned fond of that rubber-glove-up-the-butt thing. What's ol' Mitch bringing for Thanksgiving dinner? KFC coleslaw and plenty of sporks!
The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday or whenever we damn well feel like it. Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved No use allowed without prior permission.