Baptists Celebrate Potter's Box Office Disappointment
CAMPBELL CREEK, Ga. (DPI) In a press conference outside the Campbell
Creek Baptist Church, Rev. James Whorley claimed victory in his fight
against the Harry Potter series of films and books, as evidenced by the
"lackluster" box office performance of Harry Potter And The Chamber Of
Secrets this past weekend.
"The first film in this infernal, satanic series grossed $90.3 million
on its opening weekend last year," said an elated Whorley. "Now, thanks to
our efforts and the efforts of like-minded Baptists nationwide, the second
film has only managed to gross $87.7 million! The God-fearing Baptists of
America have managed to rob Satan of $2.6 million."
Whorley went on to characterize the film's box-office disappointment as
"disastrous and pathetic, really. It just goes to prove that a few hundred
Fundamentalist Baptists scattered across the nation can bring the producers
of this blasphemous series of books and movies -- which we have never
stooped low enough to read or watch ourselves -- to their
The minister then noted that if the trend keeps up, the next installment,
Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, slated for a June 2004 release,
could gross as little as $85.1 million when it debuts.
"Heads will roll at Warner Brothers when that happens, let me tell you," he
Turning serious, he said, "The first film went on to gross over $900
million worldwide. Based on my projections, this second installment will
not be able to gross $885 million. This should send a clear message to
those who would poison our children's minds: We're
winning." Whorley then quickly ended the press conference, as he didn't
want to be late for the matinee showing of Half Past Dead.
(Reported by Greg Preece)
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