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A Daily Probe Tribute:
George Harrison
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NOTE FROM THE PROBE STAFF:
Yes, we realize we're treading on sacred ground here. Nevertheless, we'd
like to consider this page to be a fitting tribute to a man who by all accounts
had, amongst his other many attributes, a splendid sense of humor.
It's hard for us to imagine that the man who produced Monty Python's
Life of Brian and Time Bandits would have a problem with
us trying to somehow make people feel better about his passing.
If you disagree, send your complaint message to: quietone@heaven.com
Quiet Beatle Now Extremely Quiet Beatle
LOS ANGELES, CA (DPI) - Guitarist and songwriter George Harrison, long
described as the "Quiet One" of the Fab Four, has been described by
relatives as "suddenly extremely quiet." Harrison grew quieter starting
in 1996 after the disbanding of the Traveling Wilburys, a band that featured several
other prominent musicians, including the extremely quiet Roy Orbison. Former Beatle
Paul McCartney, formerly known as "The Cute One," is leading tributes to Harrison.
Reportedly, McCartney broke the news to former bandmate Ringo Starr with the
cryptic phrase, "There can only be one!" as he absorbed the powers
of Quiet and Smart from Harrison and another former Beatle, the extremely quiet John Lennon.
(Reported by Ross Brown)
Bush Reflects on Death of Beatle Glen Campbell
WASHINGTON, DC (DPI) - Before leaving on Air Force One today, President
Bush stopped and shared his thoughts with reporters upon hearing of the death
of former Beatle Glen Campbell. "America mourns the death of Glen Campbell
today, who, with the rest of the Beatles, revolutionized the lives of countless
young people throughout the world with his music," said Bush, "I can still
remember spending hours with Laura listening to Tommy when we were younger."
(Reported by Bojean LaChance)
Ringo Starr Found Alive At 61
LOS ANGELES, CA (DPI) - Legendary Beatles drummer Ringo Starr was discovered
alive and healthy in his Los Angeles home yesterday at approximately 8:30pm,
surrounded by friends and loved ones. He is 61. Born in Liverpool as
Richard Starkey, Starr joined the Beatles in 1962, launching an illustrious
musical career that has spanned five decades and counting. Starr's wife
Barbara Bach issued a statement on behalf of his family, saying "Ringo is a
wonderful husband and father, and his contributions to the world of music
will continue to inspire -- even the stuff he's been working on all this week."
(Reported by Travis Ruetenik)
McCartney Arrested in Plot to Kill Starr
LONDON, ENGLAND (DPI) - Former Beatle Sir Paul McCartney
was apprehended today at the estate of fellow ex-Beatle Ringo Starr
and charged with conspiracy to commit murder. In a public statement to the
press, McCartney's attorney revealed documents signed by Sir Paul and deceased
bandmates John Lennon and George Harrison in 1970 forming a pact that "in the
event that one of us and Ringo should be the only surviving members of the
band, we swear to make damn sure that bloody Ringo ain't the last fucking
Beatle alive."
According to Harrison's spokesperson, McCartney and Harrison spoke by phone
earlier in the week, reminiscing about their lives together, making fun of Yoko Ono, and
trying to guess what Ringo's last words might be. "George had thought it
might be something along the lines of 'ello Paul, fancy seeing you ere,'"
said Baker, "but Sir Paul was betting on 'Bloody 'ell, Paul, you've got your
knife stuck up in me ribs'". According to witnesses at the scene, Starr's
last words to McCartney were actually "I'm putting the dogs on you now, lad.
Better get your beknighted arse over the fence."
(Reported by Bojean LaChance)
Israel Retaliates for Harrison Death
Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon is blaming Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat
for the death of former Beatle George Harrison. "Our position is clear. If the
Palestinian authority truly wants peace, they must stop the senseless deaths of
British cultural icons from cancer." Earlier in the day, Israeli troops entered
a West Bank territory under Arafat's control and beat legendary Palestinian folk
singer Muhareb Theeb to death with a copy of Harrison's 1974 album Dark Horse.
"Unfortunately," said an Israeli spokesman, "the album was destroyed in the attack."
(Reported by Bojean LaChance)
Taliban Troops in Kandahar Lose Inspiration, Surrender
JALALABAD, AFGHANISTAN - Claiming that their reason for fighting had died
with George Harrison yesterday, more than 30 Taliban troops surrendered to
Northern Alliance forces in Kandahar today. "Mullah George Harrison was the
only Beatle to truly embrace our mystical Eastern ways and we fight in his
honor," said Taliban battalion commander Khalid Tumar. "John Lennon just
wanted our dope and McCartney, our women."
"McCartney arrived here in the late 60's with his bandmates, and from the time
they arrived to the time they left, he was running around 'dick out' after our
women, a few of our men, and two goats." said Tumar. When asked about the
behavior of fourth band member Ringo Starr, Tumar remarked, "There were four
of them? No shit?"
(Reported by Bojean LaChance)
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Related Headlines
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Jerry Falwell Blames Brian Epstein's Homosexuality For George Harrison's Death
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Memorial Recording For George Harrison Bogged Down With Yoko in the Studio
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Paul, Ringo, Willie Nelson, Justin Timberlake Plan Beatles Reunion Concert
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Beatles Reunion Concert Tickets Now 50% Off!
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From Heaven, Harrison Finally Settles It: Jesus 6'1"; Lennon Only 5'10"
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Paul and Ringo Record Song to Memorialize George; Paul Plays Ringo's Drum Part
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