CURRENT ISSUE 12/3/02 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? Frank Haskins Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Advice from Strangers This week's guest: Moe Howard Dear Moe: I like to think of myself as a good team leader, but two of my coworkers seem entirely incompetent and can turn a simple building project into a debacle! How can I instill some discipline into these nincompoops? Vexed in Vicksburg Dear Vexed: I've been in your shoes, fella, and let me tell you it's no walk in the park. "Nincompoops" is a good start, but you might also want to dish out a few "numbskulls," "saps" and "porcupines" for variety. Also, keep in mind that almost any work-related piece of equipment can be fashioned into an impromptu disciplinary aid. A simple wood saw, for example, can be flexed in such a way as to deliver a satisfying slap in the face without leaving a mark. Be careful using the blade of the saw on the back of a knucklehead's skull, though, as this tends to bend all the teeth in comical directions. Moe Dear Moe: I'm throwing a fancy dinner party for a monocle-wearing dignitary and his wife of delicate upbringing, who are visiting from Quackelvania. I'm quite worried that the three ne'er-do-wells I hired to do the catering will make a disaster of my party and embarrass me! How can I ensure my ball is elegant and civilized? Dignified in Dartmouth Dear Dignified: Don't you worry about a thing, toots! We'll have this dinner party ship-shape before you know it. We've got the roast all cooked and ready, sitting on the counter right there next to that similar-looking burlap sack full of sawdust. And bread? Oh boy, do we have bread. Take a look at this great big loaf sitting right by that feather pillow over there. Now all we'll need is about six, no, let's say SEVEN pies for every guest. You can't have enough pies, you know. Moe (Transcribed by Travis Ruetenik)
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