CURRENT ISSUE 12/3/02 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? Frank Haskins Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	6-Year-Old Charged With Tooth Fairy Fraud Charlotte, N.C. (DPI) - Kayla Fisher, first-grader at Campbell Elementary School, has been charged on one count of fraudulent tooth placement. Desperate for quarters for the gumball machine and Pokemon cards, Fisher believed that the Tooth Fairy would be the only way to fund her addiction. After she determined that none of her remaining baby-teeth were even remotely loose, her only hope was to place a shark tooth purchased last summer during a family vacation under the pillow. When the Tooth Fairy uncovered the counterfeit, she immediately contacted the authorities. After losing her first tooth, Kayla was amazed when she found two quarters in place of a discarded baby incisor. But with two more successful experiences in this "tooth-for-money" program, the youngster's greed became larger than the gap in her smile. "I think it was the molar two weeks ago that started the problem," said Holly Fisher, mother of the accused. "The Tooth Fairy left one extra quarter than she did for the bicuspid before it. Kayla just thought the money would never end." Her father was reached at work and informed of the charge. He reprimanded his daughter, saying, "If you really needed money that badly, you should've just dug through your grandma's purse like I do." But the youth, currently being held in "time-out" at the northeast corner of the living room, maintains that she is innocent. "I don't get the whole 'Tooth Fairy' thing," said Fisher. "I was told that you put a tooth under your pillow and then you get money. A shark's tooth is still a tooth. That shark never got any money for it." While technically true, it has always been implied that a transfer of funds would only apply to a person's own baby teeth. Perry Gaines, treasurer of the Baby Tooth Payout Program, said he would prosecute to the full extent of the law. "We have to stop this type of abuse before it escalates," said Gaines. "Do you have any idea how many shark teeth are just lying on beaches? Sharks lose more teeth than a semi-pro hockey team. It would bankrupt the system. And what next? We could have kids trying to get paid for other people's teeth. They might steal grandpa's dentures and think they hit the motherlode! Soon we'd have a society of strung-out kids rummaging through the Dumpster behind the dentist's office hoping to find an extraction." To this point, the 6-year-old shows no sign of remorse. "Stupid Tooth Fairy," said Fisher. "What does she even do with all those teeth anyway? She's gross." The Tooth Fairy could not be reached for comment. If convicted, Kayla could face a sentence of one hour in the corner to "think about what she's done" with the possibility of parole in time to watch Rugrats. She will be represented by her little brother, Christopher, who plans to use the "Can Kay-Kay play now?" defense. (Reported by Buddy Fisher)
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