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	News from Travistan The Daily Probe Reports from the Sovereign Apartment Nation of Travistan

Travistani Forestry Department Bans Trees

TRAVAMABAD (DPI) - The apartment-nation of Travistan's Department of Forestry and Wildlife has passed a controversial ban on real Christmas trees, a move that has angered holiday fundamentalists in the tiny country's government, sources reported yesterday. "Too long has the taxpayer in our proud nation been forced to bear the cost of this irresponsible use of over $100 of government funds each fiscal year," said President Travis, speaking from a pedestal fashioned from a pizza box in front of the TV. "The related costs of managing the waste left behind in the carpet from irresponsible logging number in the dozens of man-minutes each year." That is time that the government could be spending managing infrastructure projects like replacing key "yellow box" odor filter mechanisms in the nation's deep-freezing provision-storage facility, said Travis. "And no hanging the icicle lights on the balcony rail," he added. This holiday-related ban is the nation's fiercest since the "no-Christmas music before Thanksgiving" proclamation of October 2002.

(Reported by Travis Ruetenik)