CURRENT ISSUE 12/7/04 Front Page Weekly Features Ain't That America? Ask Zarxnol Daily Probe Interview McQuigly & Moss Moth's Diary Musing With Mitch Newsmakers Say the Darndest Things! Still Life With Joan Info Previous Issues Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Musing With Mitch   by Mitchell Kobriger   Canned wassail, you say? Doesn't that just beat all! I gotta get some of that. Why the heck hasn't someone made a bobblehead doll of Joey Bishop yet? I'm telling you, if we put more barbers and fewer lawyers into Congress, this whole budget deficit thing would disappear almost overnight. The greatest orator of this or any other generation has to be Jim Nabors. Under King Mitch, the sentence for telling a bad pun would be severe. Maybe even the gas chamber. I had an out-of-body experience once, but I'm pretty sure it was something I ate. Did you ever notice that teeth don't chatter as much as they used to when we were kids? I wonder if it's because of global warming. Mitch says: There's no better cheese on the planet than Baby Swiss. USA Today should lay off the pie charts already. Switch to bar charts -- they're easier to understand and don't make me as hungry. Idea! Somebody needs to invent a hamburger with built-in French fries. I'm kind of partial to pants, but every now and then I wonder what the world would be like if men wore dresses, too. If I were a medieval doctor, I'd probably have been a leech specialist. Popcorn may be the perfect food: just a fluffy bit of nothing, surrounded by butter and salt. My sister may have *too* much holiday spirit. This year, she's even hanging lights and tinsel in the john. If Santa Claus were a real person, I bet his doctor would've told him years ago to cut down on the cookies and milk.
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