CURRENT ISSUE 12/7/04 Front Page Weekly Features Ain't That America? Ask Zarxnol Daily Probe Interview McQuigly & Moss Moth's Diary Musing With Mitch Newsmakers Say the Darndest Things! Still Life With Joan Info Previous Issues Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Bush Hopes to Boost Economy With Reinstatement of Slavery WASHINGTON (DPI) - In a move that Democrats are describing as a shameless kickback for his recent re-election victory, President Bush announced his plan to have the GOP-controlled congress overturn the slavery-repealing 13th Amendment. "The abolition of slavery has hampered our economy for far too long," said President Bush in a prepared statement delivered from the Rose Garden. "This great country of ours was built upon slave labor, and by making the purchase of slaves completely tax-deductible, slave labor will again become the cornerstone of America's future." Congressional Republicans hailed the move, claiming that slaveowners could profit by transforming low-paying jobs outsourced overseas into non-paying jobs right here at home. When asked how the move would affect prominent African-Americans in the Bush administration such as Condoleezza Rice, the President explained that Rice will continue to serve her country, but that she would do so from a tar paper shack on a plantation in southern Georgia. (Reported by Miles Walker)
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