CURRENT ISSUE 12/10/02 Front Page Weekly Features Ain't That America? To-Do List: Hans Blix Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Daily Probe Movie Review by J.J. Krueger   Maid in Manhattan What's up, kids? Sorry you like haven't heard from old JJ for a while but I've had shit to do, totally. I got this thing going, right, where like if I get four other dudes to like pay 200 bucks to the dude on the top of this like pyramid, then I totally go up one step and then like eight dudes pay me 200 bucks each. Anyhow, it's totally complicated but needless to say it's been taking up a shitload of my time these days and I'm totally gonna be rich soon. I got screamed at by Karen, the total bitch I work for at Big Burger, about like asking anybody there if they want to totally get in on the pyramid and my roommate Dobie thinks it's bullshit but this other dude made a shitload off it so it's totally just a matter of like time. Anyhow, today's movie review is Maid in Manhattan, the new movie starring Jennifer Lopez and Ralph Fiennes and directed by Wayne Wang, the director of Smoke and The Joy Luck Club. I never saw either of those flicks but a movie called Smoke can't be all fucking bad for sure. If I made a movie called Smoke, it'd totally be full of hot chicks doing bong hits, but that's just me, man. I got like very particular standards, totally. Anyhow, Maid in Manhattan stars Jennifer Lopez as this like maid or something, and then Ralph Fiennes is like some rich dude who falls in love with her or something. Ok, now I haven't seen like every movie ever made or anything but I got like a total suspicion that this story has been like done before. I don't have the best memory either, like phone numbers fuck me up all the time, but I totally recall that those other movies with the same story line fucking sucked ass too. I bet Karen, the total bitch I work for at Big Burger, would totally love it though. She's a vegan and says movies these days are like "too violent." I made a crack about how Babe 3 is coming out soon and the pig is supposed to go postal and eat the farmer dude and she got so mad I totally thought she was like gonna rupture a blood vessel or something. God, what a bitch. As soon as I get promoted to assistant manager though, she'll have to quit giving me shit all the time. They said Maid in Manhattan doesn't have any violence or drugs or nothing, so I just can't recommend the flick. Hopefully they'll have it in a few weeks at the Cine5. I give it 1 J out of a possible 13 Js. So till next time, see you kids at the flix. Confidential to Dennis H., Oklahoma City, OK: No, YOU GET BENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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