Saddam is a Big Whiny Pussy
A guest Probeatorial by
By Todd "Assmaster" Halmont
What a fuckin' whiner! "Ooh, I'm Saddam Hussein! I'm, like, the
president of Iran or Irate or whateverthefuck and I'm stuck in this
little hole under my house."
Freakin' pansy. Saddam should try hanging for a week in the shithole
dorm room I have to share with Weenie and Scab-butt. You think a hole is
bad? Try sleeping in this fuckin' closet with beds when Scab-butt has been
on another tequila bender and thought scarfing down a sack of "White
Asshole" burgers at 4 a.m. was a good idea. Talk about biological warfare!
It stinks like someone took a shit down the radiator in here.
Oh, and Saddam had, like, $175,000 in cash, a gun and a car. He's a
fuckin' lottery winner, man! Me and Weenie have been living on Ramen
noodles and Milwaukee's Beast for, like, months and shit because we
blew all our cash buying copies of Dr. Hartley's American History
final on eBay last semester. A car? Damn, if I had a car I'd be
pulling in the mass-poontang. Don't fuckin' cry to me about only
having an ugly orange and white taxi when I'm trying to pull tail on
this crappy Huffy with coaster brakes that we stole after Scab-butt
totally terrorized those grade-school kids last Halloween. (Man,
that was fuckin' AWESOME!) AND a gun? Dude! Our air pistol was
confiscated after that whole deal with Weenie getting wasted on MD
20/20 and Special-K when he spent three days shooting ball-caps off
the fraternity dicks walking through the quad.
Anyway, Saddam is just, like, the biggest panty-waist who ever snuck
into his sister's room and jerked off over a Backstreet Boys poster.
All that tough talk, and he turns out to be a scraggly-assed,
Unabomber-bearded punk. Fuck him, fuck him right up his "ooh, I'm a
big bad terrorist but I'm really just a whiny puss" ass.
(Transcribed by Allen Lindsey)