Alaric the Visigoth
Gore Burned on Pyre by Mourning Visigoths
(DPI) - Finally coming to grips with defeat and the end of Al
Gore's presidential aspirations, scores of his Visigoth supporters
gathered today to burn the reluctant former Democratic presidential
hopeful on a huge pyre of Georgia pine. A tightly bound Gore
issued these last words as he was ceremonially deposited on
the wood pile: "Wait! I'm not dead yet! Get those torches
away from me! I can teach poli-sci! Tipper! AAAAAGH!" A
spokesman for the Visigoth Horde replied, "No, you are
dead. Very, very dead, Mr. I'm-Not-Running-In-'04."
CNN political analyst Alaric, King of the Visigoths, offered
this assessment of the soon-to-be-late former Vice President's
career: "Many are the corpses of the enemies of Gore the Mighty
that raise a glorious stink to the sky. Yet his merciless iron
has disemboweled its last Republican dog, leaving many plunder-fattened
GOP curs still to taste its wrath. But Bush the Babbler would
be an even greater fool than he seems if he ceases to fear the
Horde. Even now the underlords spill much blood for the honor
of leading us. In 2003, Republican entrails shall foul the ground.
We shall pillage their strong places and ravish their fair women.
And, it is told by the gray-hairs, we shall redistribute the
plunder to each worthy barbarian."
"Bush, he is dung."
Tipper Gore, who, in accordance with Visigoth mourning rituals,
is receiving the comfort of the King inside Alaric's tent, declined
by Ishmael Alighieri)