CURRENT ISSUE 12/24/02 Front Page Weekly Features Ain't That America? To-Do List Frank Haskins Moth's Diary Travistan: State of Crisis! Movie Corner ALARIC RETURNS! Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Scientists Declare Chunky Soup New State of Matter PASADENA, Calif. (DPI) - Researchers at the California Institute of Technology have determined that at least four, and possibly as many as 14, types of Campbell's Chunky brand soup exist in a newly-discovered state of matter at normal temperatures, according to the results of a new study. The soups have long been known by physicists to have both liquid and solid characteristics, the well-studied "Soup/Meal Conundrum" that has been the subject of intense scientific debate since the early 1970s. According to Dr. Milton Finez, the project leader, long-term studies of Old Fashioned Potato Ham Chowder revealed that increasing the temperature of samples in increments from room temperature to approximately 60 degrees Celsius rendered virtually no change in the relation between particles at the molecular level, yet increased overall delectability measurably. The new state of matter, referred to by scientists as a "suspended mealeriffic colloid" state, was discovered quite by accident when a junior researcher accidentally diluted a beaker of Steak 'N' Potato. "It was quite a silly mistake, really," said Finez. "The operating procedure is spelled out pretty clearly that one does not need to add water." Finez said members of his team were puzzled by the substance's cohesive force and ability to hold free-floating molecules of celery, carrots and hearty potatoes in suspension. "Many times during our research we were tempted to use a fork to test the substance, but more research needs to be done before we can anticipate any adverse reactions," said Finez. (Reported by Travis Ruetenik)
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