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02/11/03

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Advice from Strangers


This Week's Guest

Jared from Subway


Dear Jared,

HELP! My girlfriend says she will marry me if I can lose more than 100 pounds. How do I start my Subway diet?

Wants To Wed In Boise


Dear WTWIB,

Subway Diet huh? Yeah sure, Next week I'm going to start my Domino's Pizza diet. Listen Porky, here's how it went down. Liposuction, that's right, liposuction. Then my uncle who's in the advertising game pitched this idea of me losing all this weight to Subway. THEN I started eating Subway sandwiches. And I don't eat those green leafy sandwiches, I like the 12-inch Steak with Double Cheese, a bag of chips and an extra large Coke.



Dear Jared,

You are the person I look up to the most. I can actually say you are my hero. Can your inspiration get any stronger?

Losing Weight In Seattle,


Dear Loser,

Jesus! Are you kidding me? OK maybe I lost 165 pounds but have you had a good look at me? Instead of being an obese nerd/geek, now I'm just a fat, rich nerd/geek. America, you gotta love it.



Dear Jared,

I think it's time for regime change in Iraq and I think the good ol' USA is gonna be the one to kick that Saddam's ass. Hell, I'd shoot him myself if I could.

Angry In Mississippi,


Dear AIM,

I support the idea of regime change in Iraq. A democratic society would be wonderful. Subway Inc. has had contingency plans for opening restaurants in many countries. Personally I'm dying to try a Hot 'N Spicy Humus on a roasted sesame seed roll. Now I'm hungry. Where's that number for Domino's?




(Transcribed by Jeff Rabinowitz)





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