The Top 5 List The Daily Probe Ruminations Save Martha Stewart!



Front Page


Advice from Strangers

Ain't That America?

Musing With

Moth's Diary

News from


Crap Shop
Who's at Fault?
Contact Us!

Aye, mateys!
Get you some
Daily Probe booty!

Advice from Strangers

This Week's Guest

Jared from Subway

Dear Jared,

HELP! My girlfriend says she will marry me if I can lose more than 100 pounds. How do I start my Subway diet?

Wants To Wed In Boise


Subway Diet huh? Yeah sure, Next week I'm going to start my Domino's Pizza diet. Listen Porky, here's how it went down. Liposuction, that's right, liposuction. Then my uncle who's in the advertising game pitched this idea of me losing all this weight to Subway. THEN I started eating Subway sandwiches. And I don't eat those green leafy sandwiches, I like the 12-inch Steak with Double Cheese, a bag of chips and an extra large Coke.

Dear Jared,

You are the person I look up to the most. I can actually say you are my hero. Can your inspiration get any stronger?

Losing Weight In Seattle,

Dear Loser,

Jesus! Are you kidding me? OK maybe I lost 165 pounds but have you had a good look at me? Instead of being an obese nerd/geek, now I'm just a fat, rich nerd/geek. America, you gotta love it.

Dear Jared,

I think it's time for regime change in Iraq and I think the good ol' USA is gonna be the one to kick that Saddam's ass. Hell, I'd shoot him myself if I could.

Angry In Mississippi,

Dear AIM,

I support the idea of regime change in Iraq. A democratic society would be wonderful. Subway Inc. has had contingency plans for opening restaurants in many countries. Personally I'm dying to try a Hot 'N Spicy Humus on a roasted sesame seed roll. Now I'm hungry. Where's that number for Domino's?

(Transcribed by Jeff Rabinowitz)

The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday
or whenever we damn well feel like it.

Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved
No use allowed without prior permission.