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Musing With Mitch  

by Mitchell Kobriger  

Mitchell Kobriger

My favorite Baldwin, Beatle, and inert gas are Alec, Ringo, and neon. But not in that order.

If I had to pick a favorite color, it sure wouldn't be red. That's just asking for trouble.

I could watch a Zamboni for hours. In fact, I often do.

We don't seem to hate the Russians as much as we used to.

If you can't tell shit from Shinola, better learn how soon, because brown shoes are coming back in style, folks.

Beef jerky may be dry, but it sure is tasty.

Just between us, if those Bush girls ever flash their tits on Girls Gone Wild, I'm buying the video.

My world revolves around oatmeal, and I don't care who knows it.

I think I may have been Cleopatra in a past life, which would explain my fondness for gladiators.

If not for coffee, I'd have no use for water at all.

You can learn a lot about a guy just by watching him change his shirt.

You'd think by now they'd know that the shuttle's airspeed is way too dangerous. Slow it down, folks -- save a life.

If not for my allergies, I would have made a damn fine cowboy.

You know folks, witchcraft probably wouldn't be so spooky if it always came with catchy theme music, like on Bewitched.

Take it from me, nothing says "fun" like playing Monopoly in Esperanto.

Albert Einstein may have been smart, but it was his keen sense of rhythm that turned me into a lifelong fan.

Jimmies that make me laugh: Kimmel, Cagney, Fallon, Durante.

Steve Irwin claims he's never been bitten on the nuts. The man is smoke, ladies and gentlemen.

Isn't it about time we came up with some new euphemisms for vomiting?

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