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President Travis

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The Daily Probe Reports from the
Sovereign Apartment Nation of Travistan

Mysterious Yellow Sludge Baffles
Travistani Hazmat Team

TRAVAMABAD (DPI) - Working closely with officials from the Department of the Interior, Travistani elite forces, including a hazardous materials team, have quarantined the nation's Ballerina District after a mysterious yellow substance was located in several locations. Working with protective gear to handle the brightly-colored, very slightly odorous substance, teams worked through the night to manage the continuing spill with special absorbent pads and a Costco-sized bin of sanitary wipes. "We are locating the source of the gooey stuff, and are confident that continued application of Pampers will suffice to manage the spills with no loss of life, clothing or fuzzy blankets," said a bleary-eyed President Travis after a 2:30 a.m. cleanup operation. Despite the president's insistence to the contrary, some Travistani sources believe the substance might be a by-product of breast milk that is escaping from somewhere near the Crown Princess' "cute widdle bitty bum bum."

(Reported by Travis Ruetenik)

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