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Advice from Strangers

This week's guest:
Jay and Silent Bob

Dear Jay And Silent Bob,

I work in a sales environment, selling furniture in a retail shop. Recently this new woman started who is admittedly stunning. However, her sales tactics seem to run toward pouting sexily at male clients and pushing her chest out at them. This is pretty unprofessional. Should I call her on it?

Bill From Bala

Dear BFB,

Shit, dude, this tubby bitch here an' me know totally what you're talkin' about. 'Cause we're in the retail bidness too, you know what I'm sayin'? Snoogans. Man, about a month ago, this totally hot broad starts dealing across the street from us. We figure no biggie, 'cause our shit is da fuckin' bomb, but then she starts stealin' all of our customers 'cause they like checkin' out her can and stuff. An' now Lunchbox here won't let me put the hurt on this bidness-cripplin' beeyotch 'cause he's all hot for her and wants to knock boots with her. Shit, man, I didn't think this fat fuck even liked girls. Nooch.


Dear Jay And Silent Bob,

Actually, this question is for Bob: The woman I am dating, although a capital-C Conservative (like me) on the outside, gets to be quite the... "freak" I guess is the word... behind closed doors. Should I try to enjoy this, or let her know I want to be more conservative.

Intimidated in Indianapolis

Dear III,

What the fuck you talkin' about, ""This is directed at Bob??" The tubby bitch doesn't speak, you ninny shithead! How the fuck is he supposed to give you advice? Oh, look... he's gesturing. Can you see it? OF COURSE NOT! BECAUSE HE'S SILENT BOB! Man, I thought I was broken, but you take the cake. As for your problem, screw you, man. Enjoy it, bang her blue, and quit bitching. Guys all over the world would love to have your problem. Shit, the closest I get to gettin' me some action is when me an' Lunchbox here shower together, an' that's 'cause our bitch landlady uses all the hot water. I'm not gay or anything. I dunno about this bearded fuck though. Know what, this is stupid. I'm gonna get some Pringles and smoke a fatty. Tons Of Fun here can answer your stupid questions. Snooch to the nooch.


(Transcribed by Greg Preece)

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