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03/18/03

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Jamie Farr Deported for Crimes Against Humanity


TOLEDO, Ohio (BTI) - Citing assorted crimes against humanity, noted actor Jamie Farr was deported by the U.S. State Department today at the request of the FBI, the Department of Justice and actor Mike Farrell. "Although Mr. Farr is well-known, his constant belittling of Army life, his sexual proclivities and his active support for Lebanese political issues make him persona non grata in the United States of America," said Attorney General John Ashcroft. "No longer will we idly allow his crazy antics and pranks to terrorize our troops while overseas."

FBI spokesperson Malcom Downing told reporters that the actor had been linked to suspicious activities. "Mr. Farr, aka Max Klinger, aka Farouk Mal-Shahadi, aka 'The Toledo Sex Machine,' is a noted fund-raiser for Lebanese charity events, a clever front for organizations that seek to elevate Lebanese citizens through donations of food, clothing, educational services, ladies' dresses and such. Once these people are educated and well-cared for, it is only a matter of time before they figure out nuclear weapons."

Actor Mike Farrell approved of the U.S. action. "Scene-stealing prick had it coming," he said.

(Reported by Rahib Brahin)

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