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Musing With Mohammad  

by Mohammad Al-Kobrigra  

Mitchell Kobriger

Don't say you heard it here, but Saddam's last play was a little weak.

As sands in the desert, so are the number of ways I could improve air travel if provided the opportunity.

I was once *this* close to killing Salman Rushdie. Damn.

Oh, great. Just our luck the biggest show of support is from those cursed mime-loving losers in France.

That damn "Fruit 'n' Fiber" cereal has declared a jihad upon my colon.

Many believe that Joan Rivers is anti-American propaganda created by Saddam, but I'm telling you, folks, she's real.

For my currency, rice is the tastiest food around. Especially plain.

My favorite Saddam look-alikes are #2, #12 and #7 -- but not necessarily in that order.

Mark my words, brothers: This "iced cream" is a passing fad.

The attractive reporter on Al-Jazeera causes me to desire sexual intercourse with her.

If you're ever caught with mustard gas, blame it on the dog.

I say we post goalie Hashim Khamees on the border. I'd like to see the Great Satan get even a single missile past him!

I do not care for the godless music of the ZZ Top, but I must admit those men have fine beards.

You'd think this whole "Axis of Evil" thing would lower my property taxes, but noooo.

Mary Ann. Definitely Mary Ann. In a burqa.

With one bedroom and 12 wives, you would think a guy could expect to see at least some girl-on-girl action.

It doesn't get any better than stuffed dates and a tall glass of koumiss on a hot summer night.

Corporate sponsorship has all but ruined public beheadings.

You might think the guys in the Republican Guard would be all fun and games, but you'd be wrong.

#11 is starting to lose that "new wife smell."

If it weren't for all the jiggling, near-naked woman-flesh, I can't imagine why anyone would watch Baywatch.

As far as I'm concerned, some other lucky stiff can have my share of heavenly virgins.

A mechanical engineering degree used to be the ticket around here. Now, it's all chemical this, biotoxin that.

All the best goat jokes have already been written.

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