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Baby Shower Ends With One-Upping Score of 3-8-4

MIAMI, Fla. (DPI) - Amanda Hutchence, an eight-months pregnant 28-year-old expecting her first child, was delighted with the turnout at the baby shower thrown for her by her college roommate and best friend, Sara Matthews. The shower ended with a mixed score: The mother-to-be and both her mother and mother-in-law were clearly in the winning category as defined by joyfully expecting the child and the glad work of motherhood.

Matthews led the losing category. "I really expected that I would be the first of our sorority to have a baby, but Amanda met Greg and pulled ahead in the race," she said. "I've been with Dave for three years now, but we don't seem any closer to parenthood than when we started. I think getting married first would be a good step, but who knew I had found Mr. 'Take it slow' when we started."

Other disaffected attendees included the expectant father's sister, Lilly Hutchence, who just recently stopped touring with Phish and now is "down with the whole gaia/motherhood scene." She expects to get pregnant as soon as she finds an unsuspecting donor who has a job. Also in the defeated category was Sue Miller, the office coworker of the expectant mother, who had been trying to get pregnant for several months through an affair with her boss. Miller commented that she has her sights set on Bill Hutchence, the expectant father, now that he has demonstrated good breeding-stock qualifications. Additional players in the defeated category include the middle-aged coworker of the mother-to-be whose husband long ago lost interest in sex with her; a slightly overweight telemarketer from work who can't seem to get past the second date with a man; and Billie, the tennis coach of one of the grandmothers-to-be, who, when asked, said she "forgot to have children."

In the neutral category were three of the expectant father's college friends, who unanimously decided to show up just for the beer and food. All three brought an extra-large box of Pampers hastily picked up on the way to the event.

(Reported by Ross Brown)

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