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DATE 4/16/02 Front Page Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? To-Do List: Queen Elizabeth Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! |
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Mr. T Urges Arafat, Sharon "Quit That Jibber-Jabber" "Mr. Arafat, listen to me," the gold-bedecked peace envoy said to the besieged Palestinian leader, "Call off these Hamas 
fools. Put an end to this suicide-bombing bidness, and try to act in the
best interests of your people in the Middle East." T, growing more
passionate with each sentence, continued, "And listen up: If you keep attacking
the peace-loving people in Israel with suicide attacks on holy days, killin'
civilians, rest assured that I'll give you some T-size
hurtin'. I pity the fool that sanctions the deaths of innocent women and
children! You been greasin' your head with battery acid again?"
T's comments were not solely directed at Arafat. Turning his focus to the 
Israeli leader, T was equally blunt. "Mr. Sharon, I don't want to pity you.
I really don't. But if you gonna keep actin' like a crazy fool and invadin'
the occupied territories, then I may have no choice. If you keep on pushin'
with your armed aggression in the West Bank, suckah, I ain't gonna have no
choice but to pity you. And I've had enough of your lip."
T ended on a positive, reaffirming note. "Eat all your greens, now. Remember, I love you. Respect yourself, and others will respect you. But you keep that silliness up and I'll hunt you down, fools," he promised, noting the pain dished out to the ethnic-cleansing armies of Slobodan Milosevic in the late '90s. |
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